graceaplenty

Grace should be my middle name.

Name:
Location: United States

Friday, September 03, 2004

Want Ads

I'm not writing this because I'm bitter or angry or listening to lesbian rock. I saw some them on one of my favorite blog's archives and thought I'd play along...

Think you’ve dated some dumb ones in the past? Try writing a want ad with all the characteristics of your exes. You’ll be surprised at what you end up with!

J: Are you a big dumb ox? I’ll be your perfect punching bag! Let all your anger out on me and I’ll even carry your past baggage. Do you like to sleep around too? Just fine! If you are an emotionally unavailable, irresponsible user with no ambition and self destructive habits, I’m the guy for you! Educated and considerate men need not apply!

K: Are you deaf, dumb and blind? I’ll be your Helen Keller! My full time job is being a nanny to all of your childish needs. Weakness and immaturity are my biggest turn ons! Don’t know where you’re going in life, and don’t care? That’s ok, I can save you! Seeking emotionally unstable and woman-hating f-wit idiot to ignore me until it’s convenient for him. Goal-oriented and strong willed men need not apply.

A: Are you neurotic, co-dependent, and in need of medication? Let me be your doctor! Let me absorb all your needs and wants and try like hell to make them come true only to be spit on when its not done right! Do you have a problem with telling the truth? C’mon baby! Lemme be your lie detector! Come lie to me and tell nasty lies to other people about me. I am here waiting with open arms to be the poor sap you milk for everything he has! Honest, self-sufficient, and loving men need not apply.

SB: Are you incapable of buying a new pair of pants on your own? Toying with the idea of going off your meds? Need someone to pay your parking ticket for you? Then you should be dating SB! I’m here for you, baby… even if that just means here for you to break up with on my 18th birthday, or tell me you’re no longer attracted to me 2 years into our 4 year relationship—and then change your mind a few months later! Especially looking for someone to cheat on me for 6 months in high school and then further my humiliation by actually marrying the girl. Wealthy, British or well-read men need not apply!

Grace: Does the world revolve around you and your every whim? Do you need someone to call you every 3 hours? Need someone to hold your hand 24/7? Even when you're in the car? Even when you're in a movie and your hands are all sweaty? And not just that, but always the linky-fingers way? Then you should be dating Grace! Let me be your wet blanket to wrap up your inner insecurities and keep them safe and warm. Bonus points if you have trouble holding onto jobs. Those who have their lives together and who have only minimal to zero amounts of emotional baggage, need not apply.

...Ok, maybe I'm only slightly bitter. But I fully admit to putting up with way too much and will remedy that in the future.

7 Comments:

Blogger Grace said...

Please feel free to add your own here in my comment box!

9:45 PM  
Blogger Beatrix Kiddo said...

Okay, here's mine:

Is nothing ever your fault? Are you thoughtless and inconsiderate? If you're brilliant, self-absorbed, incredibly talented but failing to fulfill your potential, you should definitely be dating me. Or, at least, making me think you care about me but then just abandoning me at the worst possible time. Dark haired misanthropes preferred. Let me be your caffeinated afterthought. Don't ever apologize for anything. I'll even bring the beer.

3:38 PM  
Blogger Earnest said...

Are you emotionaly fickle? Do you change your mind every 20 minutes between needy and uninterested? Let me be your sometimes friend with occasional benefits. Well adjusted, emotionaly self-sufficient girls need not apply.

3:42 PM  
Blogger Einstein said...

Seeking controling needy liar. If you love dominating every conversation with self praise please apply. Want a punching bag? Want to pick me apart and tell me I'm worthless? Come on down baby because I'm looking for a guilt trip to drive me to clinical depression. Seeking men who communicate only when its convenient for them. Only emotional train wrecks and egotistical ass holes in need of a savior need apply. Non manipulative men need not apply.

11:09 AM  
Blogger Einstein said...

Seeking controling needy liar. If you love dominating every conversation with self praise please apply. Want a punching bag? Want to pick me apart and tell me I'm worthless? Come on down baby because I'm looking for a guilt trip to drive me to clinical depression. Seeking men who communicate only when its convenient for them. Only emotional train wrecks and egotistical ass holes in need of a savior need apply. Non manipulative men need not apply.

11:10 AM  
Blogger Annie said...

Seeking: Insecure, immature, relationship phobic boys who are looking for free therapy. If your in flight school... thats a bonus! Do you like the girl to open the doors and pay for the beer? Well then please apply!! If your looking for something long term, real, or even just more than 1 night... don't bother. I love to skip the whole actual date and just jump right into the "benefits" part... I mean who really wants to get to know the other person that well? I love it when guys let me know they are interest in other attractive women and for me not to get upset about that. It really gets me going if you ask me over and over if I am psychoanalyzing you. If you have a pet its such a turn on when you talk to the pet on the phone and let me listen... its great if I can even get to go for a jog while your on the phone! So basically... only apply if you have no degree or no real idea what you want out of life or even a hunch of who you are. I an settle and make up the difference... I really don't mind!

1:10 PM  
Blogger Grace said...

One more thing: Olympic swimmers need not apply.

11:08 AM  

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